HMM Day 22 – Dead Snow

So the other day I was working at home because my son was sick from school. As usual, I was sitting with him while I was typing away on my computer. At this moment in time the Back to The Future trilogy was playing and my son is watching intently. It’s a grand time to be a dad in moments like this. There he is, seven years old and loving the shit out of the same movies that I watched when I was his age.

At one point during the movie we had a commercial break and like normal my attention went back to my work. The sound from the television remaining as a background sound that you wouldn’t pay much attention to. Then all of a sudden my son blurts out to me in the most innocent and questionable manner a small child could ask, “Dad, what is a vageena?”

“Wha… wha… what!?” I asked as I stopped everything and looked up at him.

“Vagena dad, what is it?” he said while pointing at the television. “That lady said she has a vagena.”

For a brief moment my son and I stared at each other. This was a rare moment when the crossroads of life would come together in one cataclysmic event. Whatever I say now could scar him forever. I burned with rage as I looked to the television screen. The commercial was called Phexxi and the woman was talking about her box as if it was a welcoming love shack for her upcoming lover.

It killed me. If this was a commercial about a guy talking about his dick and how a ladies mouth is the only ring he needs on it? Then there would be uproar about perversion and the patriarchy! She could have at the least called it a honey pot or flower. But no! Now I’m stuck having to tell my son what a vagina is.

This was my chance to be a great dad. I could just tell him a vagina is a woman’s private parts. That was simple, that was practical, that was truth! But instead I got nervous and shook my head.

“Vagina… son, vagina is…” I said and stopped. My son stood there staring at me.

“Vagina is a disease you can get.” I said as I slammed my computer shut and headed for the other room. I was frustrated, how can people be ok with this on television? This is an absolute outrage. Just go back to the Georgia O’Keefe days when women painted flower vaginas and tampon commercials talked about innocent spillage!

Ugh, I’m so frustrated right now. But it’s fine. I’m gonna let my son watch Dead Snow tonight because if there is one thing an American parent knows is it’s better to let your kid watch extremely violent movies about flesh eating Nazi zombies than having to explain what a vagina is.*

Dead Snow is a 2009 Norwegian horror zombie film directed by Tommy Wirkola and stars a bunch of vikings with names a person can’t pronounce without ripping their tongue out, then tying it in a knot and then surgically putting it back into their throat. The film received mixed reviews by critics but made it big in America because Nazi zombies are fucking awesome! It was given a sequel titled Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead in 2014.

The Story

A group of eight friends head up to the mountains for some skiing and relaxation. After being warned of strange occurrences in the area, the group remain to party. The group find themselves under attack by frozen killing zombies! But not just any zombies, these are Nazi zombies!

Oh man, Dead Snow! A zombie movie that ups the ante by giving us not only flesh eating zombies… but Nazi zombies! I have absolutely no idea what my top intro has to do with the movie or with zombies in particular, but I don’t care. It’s a great story. But one thing I do know is that I absolutely love Dead Snow!

Zombie movies are a tough thing to do because everything has been done already. As far as the realistic approach in Night of The Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead or Day of the Dead. Those are just perfect and are as much social commentary as they are horror films. But for modern zombie films, it’s hard coming up with a movie that can really stick.

What I love about Dead Snow is the atmosphere. Most zombie movies take place in regular climates but Dead Snow is up in the high mountains of Europe. So everything is white and pristine. I don’t think there have been many zombie movies done in this kind of climate and it makes sense. I’m sure the budget in shooting in the cold is high and quickly becomes a burden. But it also intensifies the gore tremendously. All the blood and guts stick out so much that Tim Burton would be proud and boy is there loads of blood. Dudes get fucked up pretty bad. There are scenes of people hanging by the guts of zombies. Arms getting cut off and eyes being gutted out and even death via snowmobile.

The entire story plays like a Scooby Doo episode. Not all too complicated to understand. The group of students find a box of gold and it happens to be the gold that the Nazi zombies are after. The group get chased around by the monsters and boom, that’s about it. Ok, so it’s not the most thought out storyline but who gives a shit! You don’t get too invested into the characters and I kind of like that. Everyone is zombie fodder and serve as entertaining deaths. The Nazi zombies look absolutely bad ass as they pop out of the snow and march around in their little Nazi outfits. They aren’t as mindless as most zombies are as well. They seem to work together and aren’t fooled by the usual tricks like most zombies. I guess being Nazi’s makes it all the more better when they die because you have zero sympathy for them as zombies and even more hatred for them being Nazis. How does that actually work? Do Nazi’s that die and turn into zombies still remain Nazi’s? Is their fervor for all things Nazi go away? Do Nazi zombies not like Jewish zombies? These are interesting things that I have to ask myself while watching the movie.

But being Nazi zombies is important because if you have seen Army of The Dead, you will notice that there is no fucking army in the entire fucking movie! I hate Zack Snyder! If he wanted to make a movie about an army of zombies then you do it like Dead Snow did! Here we have an army of zombies with a commander!

The best is this great climactic scene where the survivors fight to the death and it all seems like they won. But then shit gets real intense as the rest of the troops pop up from the snow. It’s just good old fashioned slaughter we all admire in horror. So go ahead and check out Dead Snow. It’s fun and awesome seeing Norwegians getting their guts ripped out and they pay homage to past greats like Evil Dead and Dead Alive. I promise if you’re wanting some real good moments of campy bloodshed then this is right for you.

*Just so feminazis don’t get pissed at me. The story I told above is a joke. The commercial did appear on tv and my son did ask me what it was. The point where it becomes a joke is when I told him vagina was a disease. Vagina is not a disease… but it sure does sound like one.

Thanks for reading!

Hope enjoyed this post. If you’re looking for more films then check out past day twenty two films from my past marathons. We have The Thing… ooooh scary shit right there.

Also, if you’re new to this marathon then a couple things. One is welcome and I’m glad to have you. Another is you’re late! You need to read the other posts prior to this so get reading and have a great horror season!

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