There’s something wrong with my wife. I don’t know what is going on but whatever it is, it’s causing a problem with our marriage. It’s just not the way it was when we first met. I mean… I get it, people change and you as a loving couple accept those changes. You have to roll with the punches and accept the unaccepted. But this is different, she’s just not the same gal I met thirteen years ago. I don’t know, maybe it’s me. Now now, I can admit that I’m not as young as I once was. Through the years, I’ve lost some of that youthful vigor and may not be as sturdy as I was back in my twenties. What with having three kids, working forty hours a week, constantly worrying about money in the bank and trying to keep my weight at a certain level… it’s hard to find time to focus in on our relationship. I can admit that, it’s easy to see we’re getting older and the fires that once burned have diminished just a tad.
But I thought everything was fine. I thought we were happy and doing what was common in most marriages. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to go? Isn’t that what aging is all about? Are we not supposed to be like the couple from the Pixar movie Up? Where we slow down in our desire to run up hills and go places? To experience new things becomes a past time and all we want to do is to hold hands and to read our favorite books. Then when one of us dies, the other decides to blow up a shit load of balloons and take our house away! Isn’t that what an ideal marriage looks like?
You know what, that’s bull shit! Fuck that movie Up and that stupid old man with the handicapped boy scout! This is my wife we’re talking about! I don’t care what kinds of changes she goes through. I made a vow to love her to the very end. I don’t care how odd things get or how weird she gets. Sure, she may have a desire for blood and sure she may have killed our neighbor. But I love this woman and you know what! After drinking blood, she gets real horny and gives me the best lay of my life!
We need to stick to it and plow on like the couple Anne and Jakob Fedder. That’s why today we’re honoring a recent horror film titled Jakob’s Wife for day twenty of my Horror Movie Marathon.
Jakob’s Wife is a 2021 horror film directed by Travis Stevens and stars Barbara Crampton, Larry Fessenden, and Bonnie Aarons. It has an exclusive streaming release on Shudder and has received mostly positive reviews from critics and fans.
Married to a small town Pastor, Anne Fedder is feeling bored and let down by her stagnant marriage. But after Anne has a bloody encounter with a master vampire, she starts changing. Will this marriage be able to commit to the vows that they once took or will the body count be too much of a burden on this amalgamation?
This is the fourth vampire film I’ve done for this marathon. I don’t know why, maybe I have vampires on the brain. But I can’t help myself, vampires (vampires done right) are pretty fun and Jakob’s Wife is one of those new vampire films that should satisfy most horror hounds. For starters, it stars Barbara Crampton. Now, if you’re someone that loves horror movies then that name is one that needs no introduction. It’s my personal opinion that Crampton is one of the greatest horror icons of all time and she is absolutely amazing in this movie.
If you’re someone that loves bloody gore then you’ll get your fill. The vampires don’t twinkle and they aren’t romantically attractive. In fact, this movie pays homage to the Kurt Barlow kind of vampire with elongated buck teeth and red stained eye balls! The vampires don’t seduce their victims but rather, exterminate in relentless violence. Which is cool! It’s a good thing to see horror movies give us monsters rather than emo kids.
This movie doesn’t relent when it comes to the deaths and boy are they sweet! People get truly jacked up and we get a tinge of some Raimi-esq blood splatter. Plus there’s a good balance between the more funny aspects of the film and the gore. The movies deaths do play on the more serious tone of the film but it equals out with the slight comical side. So if you’re someone that can’t take a joke and just want pure rage fueled violence that never resides, then maybe this movie isn’t for you. But for me it’s comical just enough to keep the tension and more serious aspect of the movie.
Some people claims Jakob’s Wife is a movie about feminism. That a woman finds her voice in a unsatisfying marriage and by becoming a vampire, it symbolically represents her independence and opening of her sexuality. Sure, I guess so. But for me I see this movie as a message about a working marriage that has gone stagnant. Marriage is a complicated thing, probably one of the most problematic things you can do next to raising kids. It’s common place for couples to lose that romantic drive or to express feelings of love and respect for one another. It’s also common for couples to change because that’s what people do. As you get older, you become more aware that you’re older and you want to get back to living life. When you’re in a marriage, this can cause a little schism. Especially when couples aren’t talking to one another like Anne and Jakob.
I don’t think Jakob and Anne have always been this boring or even a one sided couple. Anne loves her husband and he loves her. I think over time, things have just gotten dull and the two have fallen compliant. Jakob obviously is caught up in his career and is forgetting his wife, so she is growing bitter to him. It’s normal shit that happens to everyone and doesn’t mean a MAN is controlling a woman. Hell, I’ve seen more marriages where it’s the opposite!
You know what, I don’t care how you interpret the film. Do me a favor and forget all the mushy bull shit of marriage and feminism. Just enjoy the fucking movie! Sure it’s a movie that signifies the need for couples to talk to each other and support one another. But it does it through a pretty fun bloody time and that’s all that matters. Crampton and Fessenden are off the charts awesome together and will make you laugh and think deeply. Aarons does a good job at playing a pretty gross looking vampire. If you like seeing people getting their heads ripped off and blood splatter like old faithful! Then this movie is right up your fucking alley! Sure, you can watch this movie and not get anything out of it all and just love the blood shed because Jakob’s Wife is a bloody good time! For a modern horror film, it’s not a big let down and sure, it’s brilliant to be more than just a gorefest. The movie makes me think about my own marriage and how it’s imperative to constantly love my wife. To accept the changes that come between us and view her as my one and only team ate. Because of this we can grow together and remain happy! So go ahead honey, go ahead and drink the neighbors blood. It’s your life and I am just blessed to be a part of it cause you’re the sexiest creature I have ever seen!
Thanks for reading! Check out other day twenties of past marathons.
Also, if you’re new to the marathon and want to check out past entries, then check these out!