HMM Day 13 – Critters 2: The Main Course

It’s my day off from work but my wife decided instead of playing Dead By Daylight today, that I should spend that time cleaning the house! What’s the point in taking a day off from work to only stay home… and work? You know what, I’m gonna clean alright! I’m gonna clean the house so hard core that my wife will be flabbergasted. She doesn’t know what’s coming her way. I know how to clean damnit, cause I know a job has to be done right! I’ve learned from the best. I got my giant canon dick gun and my brown leather trench coat and I’m gonna sweep the house of all this shit. Just like my friends Ug and Lee do in Critters 2: The Main Course!

Critters 2: The Main Course is a comedy horror creature feature directed by Mick Garris and starring Scott Grimes, Don Keith Opper, Liane Curtis and Terrance Mann. It is a direct sequel to the 1986 film Critters and continues the story of Brad Brown and his friend Charlie. The film received mostly negative reviews from critics and currently has a thirty one percent rating on rotten tomatoes. Proving that Rotten Tomatoes is a pile of shit website that you shouldn’t trust! Seriously, why do we use this site for movie ratings?

The Story

After the events on the Brown family farm, the critters are all dead, the bounty hunters and Charlie have left earth. But guess what! The Critters aren’t gone! There are eggs still left and they’re ripe for hatching. As the hunters return to Grovers Bend, it is up to Brad and the townsfolk to fight these little ravenous munching hellions!

Schlock Is Fun

Sometimes schlock can be a real good thing and Critters 2: The Main Course is one of those schlocky horror films that I have come to appreciate. Now I grew up on Critters, and I really loved that movie. Actually to be honest, I always liked Critters more than I do Gremlins. The reason I liked Critters is that they would eat anything and laid waste to all in their path. As a young kid, that was awesome. Gremlins just seemed more like agents of chaos to me and although I do like them, the Critters just seemed much more intense. I would play games with my toy guns where I hunted Critters in my basement.

I also remember seeing the Critters 2: The Main Course VHS tape in my local movie rental store. Seeing the awesome illustration of the Critter ball coming down the road was so awesome. It made me think of Indiana Jones running away from the boulder in 1981’s Raiders Of The Lost Ark. Wouldn’t that be awesome if someone CGI’d that scene where Indy is running through the temple and they replaced the boulder with the ball of Crites?

That would have been an awesome mashup of two movies. Indiana Jones and Critters! You could have Indiana Jones getting into every adventure and along the way, instead of running into Nazi’s he runs into Critters! This is epic! I think I have a good comic book idea for next year! I’M ON IT!

Back To Critters 2

What you get with Critters 2 is a fabulous sequel that does it just right. Most sequels tend to suck, that’s because it gives you the same shit over and over again. But it’s not that challenging! You can make a sequel that is a shadow of the first and still be successful. It’s why we’re watching the movie folks. You see a number 2 at the end of a title and you know what you’re gonna get. But here’s a simple solution. If you look at Hellbound: Hellraiser 2, Gremlins 2, Basket Case 2, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors or Aliens. You will notice how they upgrade the monsters. They make them more threatening with either making more or giving them a more dominating feature. For instance with Alien and Aliens. The first film has one big bad Alien and that’s scary shit. But how can you take something that is already a scary threat and make it scarier? You make an entire cult of Aliens! Plus you give them one big bad queen that is on her menstrual cycle. With Critters 2, they do the some thing and just make more of them and upgrade their ferocity. The poster to this film implies this with the giant ball of Crites and when it finally does happen, it’s so badass that it will leave you laughing and applauding.

It also takes what we already know from the first movie and expands on the things that made it so good. The movie does what a good sequel is meant to do. And what made Critters such a good film? Complete and utter careless destruction from the bounty hunters Ug and Lee. Plus absolute Critter mayhem. One of the best scenes is when the bounty hunters finally show up and start destroying everything in the Hungry Heifer restaurant. This scene is almost ten minutes of awesomeness as we see the Critters doing stupid shit. Then the shooting begins and it’s over the top horror/action. There they are just looking pissed off and ready to commit genocide on these little devils. They stand stand there and jack their giant canon cocks out! That chick looks at it cause she knows what this all represents. When stupid Critters come to town its time to fuck them up with your dick! It’s a metaphor for power people!

Bigger Picture

Actually, I want to know why these Critters are so hated. This could be all viewed wrong. Maybe Critters in general is a criticism of culture and mankind itself. What we view as monsters are merely misunderstood creatures suffering from inner galactic genocide! Oh my gosh! The Critters aren’t mean on purpose. All they know is people hunting them and locking them away in jail. Just like the poor and exploited folks of society today! The bounty hunters represent the gestapo style tactics that mankind so easily abides in. Just look at them in their crazy SMN outfits! They’re futuristic Nazi’s with one goal in eliminating an entire alien race! They even shape shift their image to appear as the people we want them to be! THIS IS INSANE!

Critters and Critters 2: The Main Course are nothing but commentaries of our terrible racism and violence. Look at how we cheer the bounty hunters on while they decimate the landscape in order to kill Crites. We don’t care about the destruction, instead we applaud it all. The bounty hunters don’t even make an attempt to talk to the Crites. They simply barricade the door to the Hungry Heifer and go all Call of Duty on them! This is like Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Running Man, or Stallone in Demolition Man! Have I finally seen the light? Is Critters 2 a movie with insane moral and social implications that I have never seen? Do Critters represent a demoralized class just like our own society? Should I go on tour and preach to people (for a nominal fee of course) about how we can learn from this movie and not be such animalistic people? Nah, that’s all bull shit. This movie is purely for entertainment purposes. Kill those Crites Ug and Lee!

Vice Versa

You know how people say Critters ripped off 1984 Gremlins. Well, if that is true (which it isn’t) then Gremlins 2: The New Batch ripped off Critters 2: The Main Course! Critters 2 takes the first movie and everything we do love from it and pushes it into a more zany looney tune kind of thing. While the first film did have glimmers of comedy where the Crites cursed or ate an ET doll, this sequels gives the Crites way more personality and goofiness. They’re still the same mindless munching machines, but in the end it’s much more self aware and goofy.

Sure I get it, there are some folks that want nothing but serious horror films every October. Those people are annoying and probably aren’t even hard core horror fans. True horror fans can appreciate all aspects of horror. They know when to be intense and when to just let loose and Critters 2, is a movie to just let loose and enjoy. I think it was Moses or someone that said in the Bible, “there’s a time to be real serious and then there’s a time to laugh when a Critter says bitchin.” I’m pretty sure it’s in the book of Ecclesiastes.

But in the end, I love this movie and through the years have fallen in love with its simplicity and quirkiness. One thing I would have loved and something they did miss out on was a good cameo by Robert Englund as Freddy Krueger. At one point Lee is changing shape and Charlie catches him in the middle of his morphing state. But Lee is looking at a cut out Freddy Krueger! So instead of Freddy, Charlie places the Playboy magazine in his sight to change back into the hot chick. This is a real funny scene but wouldn’t it have been sweet for Robert Englund to be a bounty hunter? It would have added to the zany feel to the movie.

Does Have Heart

This isn’t saying the movie doesn’t have heart. In fact the entire story of Charlie is a pretty well developed one. In the beginning of the film, we get Charlie living as a bounty hunter. He’s not very good at it and wants to be as hard core as Ug and Lee. Ug and Charlie are talking and Charlie is obviously struggling with who he and where his place is. Ug tells Charlie “Can’t live in the wrong self” in regards to Lee not taking shape. This is kind of how Charlie goes along. He never actually kills Crites or comes in as the hero. But eventually, he does come on top and prove to be a true bounty hunter. Pretty much saving the day and earning respect from Ug and the towns people. Sure it’s pretty basic but in the end, it is a good heroes journey.

Man I do love this movie and encourage everyone to check it out. If it wasn’t for the boob shots, I would gladly let my younger kids watch it. It’s a whirlwind of insanity that doesn’t take itself too seriously. I love the gore and feel of the entire film and find myself admiring the puppetry of the Crites.

It’s great how the Critter eggs are mistaken for Easter Eggs, making this probably the only real horror movie with an Easter theme. You’ll laugh and mock it but in the end you’ll love it. That is why I have chosen Critters 2: The Main Course for my day thirteen of my Horror Movie Marathon!

Thanks for reading!

Check out previous day thirteens from past marathons!

6 Comments Add yours

  1. I have a real soft spot for this franchise. Those puppets always felt endearing to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. nscovell says:

      Hells yea man. They actually look real good in the second one. It’s good schlocky horror.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It is indeed 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. rdfranciswriter says:

    Remember how all of the franchises ended up “in space”? Critters (4), Leprechaun (4), Jason (10), Pinhead (4) — even Dracula in that Dracula 3000 mess. But no Leatherface? How? The cheapjack direct-to-DVD shingles are slipping.

    How is that that Freddy K. was never shot into orbit? Come on! We want Freddie vs. Predator!

    John Carpenter should have put Micheal Myers/the Shape on Mars — instead of that Ice Cube mess of celluloid, Ghost of Mars. Halloween III — with the Stonehenge plot — got close: they should have kept that going and had Micheal hook up with ancient, Druid astronauts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. nscovell says:

      You know that is interesting! Also to think that the Alien franchise did the opposite in placing the Xenomorph on earth. Signifying it’s downfall just like Critters going to space.

      Like

      1. rdfranciswriter says:

        Yes. Pitch Black and Lifeforce reversed — somewhat. Predator did it more than any one film, but let’s not forget that one goes back to Without Warning, without the Arnie-plosions.

        It’s true: a franchise is in failure mode when it’s shot into space. It’s like the sitcoms of old: when the kids age out into their teens: bring in the cute neighbor kid or cousin.

        Liked by 1 person

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