Scenes To Be Seen – Chainsaw Battle III

You know what I always loved as a kid, those classic Errol Flynn movies where he plays Robin Hood. Flynn was the defining symbol of the legendary character and maybe next to him was some cartoon fox. But 1938’s The Adventures of Robin Hood is a movie that I always loved. These kinds of adventure movies were always a blast for a young kid like me. The best part was the ending fight scene where Robin Hood battled the main antagonist Sir Guy played by legendary actor Basil Rathbone. The scenes would always be this epic showdown between hero and villain. Fighting up and down stairs intertwined with great sword play and that awesome shot with only the characters shadows. Robin Hood eventually comes out victorious and marks the end of our movie.

Still Going Strong

This common climactic fight in these kinds of classic films would go on to inspire countless other grand fight scenes. Even today the duel between hero and foe is a common trope. Here are three that I am sure everyone can identify without me saying what the movies are.

We love these moments in film. We go on this long adventure with out hero and by this time all we want is that epic confrontation. Without this confrontation everything just falls to pieces. Just think about the last season of Game of Thrones. That pile of shit show that everyone will forget when The Wheel of Time comes out. Jon Snow was supposed to fight the Night King. It made sense because we’ve been witnessing this confrontation brewing for a couple seasons already and Jon is the main protagonist. He’s grown as a person. He’s proven to be a good leader, he’s defeated other foes like Ramsay Bolton, he doesn’t piss his pants when he encounters a dragon and he bangs his aunt! That takes balls! But they fuck it up by letting Arya teleport across the map to finish the Night King off with some lame ass fake out stab! WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT!? I actually believe that the last season of Game of Thrones is what caused Covid-19!

Anyways, there is one movie out there the captivates this classic battle between foe and hero and it just so happens to be another chainsaw fight scene. It also happens to be in a cult classic film with a hero that we true horror fans absolutely love and admire. I’m talking about the most badass ice cream man named Reggie from 1988’s Phantasm 2 and this proudly marks my third installment of my Chainsaw Battle series!

Just Like Flynn

What I love about this scene is that it reminds me of The Adventures of Robin Hood fight scene with Robin Hood and Sir Guy. Reggie is making his way into the Tall Mans crypts and he’s armed to the teeth. This guy, known as the Graver; comes out and starts beating Reggie up. After Reggie fends the Graver off with a huge drill, he whips out the chainsaw… because why not. I mean, he has two double-barrelled shotguns strapped together. I am sure that would get the job done. But no, Reggie is like Robin Hood… but with ice cream! He gets the chainsaw going and says “COME ON YOU MOTHER!” which is pretty much a modern term for “Have at thee you foe!” The Graver obliges Reggie and accepts by whipping out an even bigger chainsaw!

So the battle ensues and sparks are flying. Reggie is obviously outsized and outmatched. He drops his weapon and must resort to dodging and climbing to evade the Graver… just like an Errol Flynn movie! I swear this scene could be on a pirate ship or castle dungeon! But this is the land of horror so a basement in the depths of a mortuary are just right for us horror douche rags. Reggie does this flying leap over the Graver and nearly gets his balls cut. Which is interesting cause as Reggie is almost at his end he thrusts the chainsaw up into the Gravers groin giving the Graver a sex change of all sex changes!

Some Science

OHH MAN! Chainsaw to the nuts! That has got to hurt! I can’t even imagine how that feels. A chainsaw cut isn’t as delicate and precise as a sword. Or even as final as a bullet. I own a chainsaw and have used it numerous times. It’s an awkward tool to use and surprisingly I actually get more nervous using it more than when I shoot my rifle. When that chain starts moving it creates an awkward feeling of motion. Like it’s trying to move on its own. This is called gyroscopic motion which means the rotating object tries to maintain the orientation of its rotation. It will create resistance to anything countering its rotation. Kind of like a ying and yang thing going on. Now, I understand many of you haven’t used a chainsaw but you can experience this “gyroscopic force” with other things like fidget spinners and hand sanders. Or maybe you recall this feeling when you ride a bike and lift the front wheel while its spinning. You can feel the front wheel turning. So this gyroscopic motion will make the chainsaw continually cut through any resistance! So this dudes baby pump and stations are completely eradicated! OUCH!

Let’s all toast our good friend Reggie. This scene was and still is one of my favorites because Reggie deserves it. Now I’ve seen the entire Phantasm series and I have to be honest, the guy seems to strike out a lot. In all the Phantasm movies he’s always kind of messing up and not being able to score. But he’s forever faithful of a friend and swears to fight the Tall Man at all costs. But that’s what makes him so awesome. Just like Ash Williams or Billy Peltzer, Reggie is our guy that we route for despite their mess ups. When Reggie has this shining moment it makes me happy. He’s now the guy on my list for an inner galactic adventure team. But it gets even better because after killing that Graver man he’s all high and mighty. Those four Lurkers come after him and he fucks them up with his double-barreled shotgun that he’s been teasing us with for the entire movie. It’s the pièce de résistance for an epic showdown and my most favorite moments in all cinematic chainsaw history!

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