Scenes To Be Seen – No Shit!

Since it is Friday the 13th and every horror fanatic is probably posting something about Jason Voorhees and the Friday The 13th series. I wanted to do the same but give a shout out to a moment in Jasons career that I always found hilariously odd and a good Scenes To Be Seen entry.

What do you suppose goes on in the minds of slasher movie victims before they die? Other than sheer terror and dread, I would assume some of them would have a moment of perspicacity. Perspicacity is a new word I learned today. It means having a keenness of mental perception. Not many of these victims have this level of intellect and I think it’s a good thing. I always felt like Freddy delivered those awesome puns and quips to throw his victims off guard. When he told Jennifer “Welcome to prime time bitch!” or “Let’s get high” to Taryn. Those are methodical moments that add some sort of irony to the victims demise. “OHH NO! I love heroine and now Freddy is killing me with needles full of blue liquid! NOOOOO!” Or when he kills Will he says “Sorry kid, I don’t believe in fairy tales!” So it’s a punch to the balls for Will because he realized that playing D&D has done nothing for him his entire life! But now he’s dead so WUMP WUMMMP. Could you imagine how hilarious it would be if each death in a horror film was faced with the victim actually remaining calm and sober? Or being descriptive? It would totally kill the suspense and terror of every scene.

If you don’t get what I am talking about then check out Robert Dier’s death in 1984’s Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Friday the 13th 4). Never has there been a death scene in all of the Friday the 13th movies as hilariously stupid.

To be honest, this is one of the worst deaths in all the Friday the 13th films because you don’t really see anything. It’s so dark that you can’t make anything out. I had to use a video editor and lighten the shot to get a good indication as to what is happening. But what makes it so awesome and why I wanted to use it for this day is how the victim Robert screams out. Now, I am going to make a wild assumption but I would believe being killed with a garden tool is pretty terrible. I think most of us… would yell. BUT! How many of us would yell “HE’S KILLING ME!” over and over again? I mean, if Jason is gutting you like a fish and you yelled “HE’S KILLING ME!” then I would assume Jason would be like “no shit!”

Why Did They Do This?

I don’t really know why director Joseph Zito shot this scene like this. If you’ve seen this movie then you know the kill count up until Robs death is eleven. Each death prior has been rather great with one off-screen style death. But everything else is epic. People get truly jacked up in this movie! Friday the 13th 4 is probably my favorite of the group. But there’s so much killing by Jason that by the time Robert was killed, it just felt kind of exhausting. Roberts character needed his end and they couldn’t come up with anything creative. Nothing can top Crispin Glover getting a cork screw to the hand and then a cleaver to the face! So they said “Dude, let’s shoot this shit and get it over with.” This is what happens when you go all gung-ho into a movie and lose the drive to a good end. Or maybe the budget was all spent so horror legend Tom Savini couldn’t do his magic.

Imagine what a kill like this would do to someone as sensitive as Jason! It would confuse him and make him re-evaluate his entire career choice as a slasher. If every death was like Roberts then eventually guys like Freddy, Michael and Jason would start doubting their ability to be a well respected established slasher.

Here’s The Scene

I could imagine the end of a long day of slaughter. The guys are clocking out of work and make their way to their local watering hole for a few well deserved beers. Jason, Freddy and Mike are sitting at the bar watching the New York Giants fuck up another game. They’ve taken a couple shots in remembrance of the sacrifices made to the entity. But Jason is kind of… down on his spirits. The guys prod him for a while and Jason reluctantly asks “Guys, do you think I’m losing my edge?” Freddy gets all sincere and puts a comforting arm around Jason and says “Bitch, you’re the best! Don’t worry buddy we all feel that way but eventually… we all bounce back.” Michael nods in agreement. Jason then says “You guys, something happened that has never happened before.” Fred and Mike look at Jason in a confused kind of way. “I killed some guy today… and… it was different.” Freddy interjects “Well, what do you mean ‘it was different?’” Jason grabs Freddy by his sweater and yells “All the ass hole did was describe what I was doing to him! Do you hear me! He just screamed he’s killing me!” Mike and Freddy seem stunned while Jason trembles. Jason lets go of Freddy and places his head down on the bar and says “It shook me up guys! I mean don’t get me wrong… I f’ed him up with a garden claw. But why did this guy react this way? I think I need a vacation. Do you know if the higher ups will give me some time to think?” Freddy regains his composure and says “J man, if time off is what you need then you’ll get it! Corporate has a system where we can take time off and someone will fill in! It’s called ‘the killer substitution protocol’ and theres no shame in it.” Jason smiles and says “That sounds good Fred, thanks for being there for me.” The three finish their drinks and return home to bang their wives.

This my friends is how we ended up getting 1985’s Friday the 13th: A New Beginning! Happy Friday the 13th!

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