When I was a little kid, it was a hobby for me and my friends to get ride our dirt bikes at this field with a bunch of dirt mounds left over by some construction company. We would use them for our own extreme sporting and I use “extreme” as an exaggeration because our stunts were probably laughable. To be honest, we were never any good. Most of the time, I was too afraid to get my bike more than one foot off the ground and if I did, the most I would do is grip those handlebars tight like my dick was falling off.
But there was this one time! This one time, where I did something awesome. As my friends were congregating together, I made my way down a huge mound and attempted to jump off another smaller mound. It was a moment of clarity where worry and death were inconsequential! So there I go, flying at a speed I perceived as the speed of light. My bike was smooth, the wind was blowing and my grip was steady! I made it down the larger mound and flew past my friends. “There goes Nate!” yelled my twin friends. I didn’t say anything nor did I make any expression. Just pure determination at that point. I hit that small jump and soared, then turned to perform a stunt called an “invert.” Instead of crashing and eating dirt, I made the jump and was instantly the coolest kid on a bike that day.
So time passes and my jump is legendary within the fifth grade. I think I’m so cool and when I return to our biking grounds, I’m as confident as a white skinny liberal burning a black owned business in the name of equality! I head down the mound once more and go for the same move. I hit the jump at full speed but my grip on the bars loosens and my bike sort of flew in front of me. This was a moment where those inconsequential things… suddenly kick you in the balls. I hit the ground but not before my face slammed into my seat and my balls slammed into the back tire. I ate dirt and tore my legs up all over. I even ripped my new pair of brown corduroy pants! People laughed and what was once a legend in school, soon became a joke. Never again could I feel that awesome as that first stunt gone right. Also, I didn’t believe I would ever spawn children again.
Sometimes that happens in life. We do one thing really cool and real badass. Then we get all hyped on ourselves and feel high and mighty. But then when we attempt to do it again, we crash and burn. Speaking of crashing and burning, have you seen Netflix’s sequel called The Babysitter: Killer Queen?
The Babysitter: Killer Queen is a direct sequel to 2017’s The Babysitter. It was directed by some guy that calls himself… McG. It stars Judah Lewis, Bella Thorne, Emily Alyn Lind, Jenna Ortega, Robbie Arnell, King Bach, Hana Mae Lee and Samara Weaving. We also have Ken Marino, Chris Wylde and Leslie Bibb from Trick r’ Treat! The film was released on September 10th, 2020 and can currently be streamed on Netflix.
Try To Understand
To understand this movie, you have to get some sort of understanding of the first movie The Babysitter. To brake it down, The Babysitter is a movie about a middle school kid named Cole (Judah Lewis) that still has a babysitter. Cole is kind of a wimp and is babied by his parents. However he has this babysitter named Bee (Samara Weaving) and she absolutely loves and protects Cole. Bee is the perfect babysitter in every way. More friends than nanny. She’s hot, she’s adventurous and Cole absolutely loves her. But Bee turns out to be some sort of witch with a cult. At night they sacrifice a person to the devil (or something) and use Coles blood of innocence to get their evil desires. Of course Cole discovers this and horror ensues.
The Babysitter hit Netlfix and I think many people thought it was pretty good. It’s a fun horror/comedy that has a fun concept. I think many of us can relate to this movie because we all had that older hot babysitter. The idea that a babysitter is evil and using us for her bidding is a good horror gimmick. I get it and I got it! It’s why I enjoyed the first movie. Maybe a couple glaring problems and annoyances but overall ok. I mean, it’s not poetic horror but it’s not shit. The story is pretty simple and the characters are easy to understand. But… I can’t say that about this sequel.
We find ourselves two years after the first movie with our protagonist Cole surprisingly worse off than before. After the horrific events that lead to his past babysitters disappearance, Cole is finding it unattainable to live a normal life. Everyone he knows doesn’t believe him about Bee and her cult. He’s a loser now in high school that is still bullied. Even his parents find him odd and in need of help. To make matters worse, his past fling Melanie and Cole are in the friend zone. As Cole accompanies Melanie and her friends on a weekend break, all hell brakes loose once more for our close friend Cole.
Killer Queen Please Kill Me
Where do I start with what I hated about this movie rather than just saying “everything.” From the very beginning of this movie I knew it sucked because it is literally a cheap clone of the first film. There isn’t anything remotely different about this movie that makes it, its own. Especially with the characters.
Let’s Start With Cole
In the first movie, we have Cole. A weak, insecure little kid that through “adversity” finds his strength. Each encounter with death pushes Cole to overcome his problems. Even the juvenile bond with him and his babysitter. We have this epic ending where we get this montage of points in Coles life where he’s been bullied, put down and even encouraged by his loved ones. This leads him to inevitably do something completely outside his norm and at the same time impressing the girl next door! At the end of the film, when all the dust settles. Cole who WAS a pussy and WAS a little kid, looks to his parents and says “I don’t need a babysitter anymore.”
By saying “I don’t need a babysitter anymore” is a moment of change where Cole is no longer the pussy and is grown up. It’s a great ending and a good way of a developing character. You would think development like this would transfer between films. But no! Cole is literally the same little wimpy, unsure of himself bitch as he was in the first movie. Actually he’s worse because the first one he was younger and seeing a thirteen or twelve year old drive a car into a person is awesome. All this badassery he was at the end from the first is gone.
This would be like Luke Skywalker, after learning what the force is from Obi-Wan. To then fight in battles as an inexperienced padawan. To go meet Yoda, learn the ways of the force and to even battle Darth Vader. Come to terms with his fear, anger and acceptance of the force. To then come back in Return of The Jedi and be completely unlearned, unwise and unskilled as he was before! The Babysitter: Killer Queen ignores who Cole ended as and did the same crap as before. But worse.
What The Hell is Going On
Nothing in this movie makes sense. Brian Duffield didn’t return to write this sequel and that might be the problem. I’m not saying Duffield is this amazing writer (after all he wrote 2019’s Underwater) but he had something good going on in the first. Obviously McG… McG? Can I ask who the hell told this guy to call himself McG? That has “douche bag” written all over it. Anyways, “Master Move Maker McG” and others don’t understand (or maybe don’t care) about the ending of the movie and significance of our protagonist. This was a cash grab and nothing more. They don’t care about making decent horror or even care about story or our other characters.
Look at how they introduced the past cult members Allison, Max, John and Sonya. They just suddenly show up undramatically or without any rhyme or reason. “Oh wow, the guy is still not wearing his shirt and the John dude is still making the same cliche black jokes!” You know this is moronic. They’re just thrown in there because the script said so. There’s not even an explanation why or how they came back. But then throughout the movie, we’re given these cheap flashbacks as to why these people are in this cult. Which is dumb because it shows Bee in small sequences which counters the moronic entrance she has by the end of the movie! My gosh, the end of the movie! It’s meant to pull at your heart strings but it’s just dumb and anti-climatic. AARRRRGGHHH I hate this movie.
None of the jokes land and the goofiness in this film is too overdone. The gore isn’t even memorable or persistent to make it good horror. This is a sequel! You’re supposed to up the ante for gore and violence. Not up the ante on the “how many times can we say ‘fuck’ or something wacky.” When people die, they just blow up with that fake CGI blood. One scene shows Allison shooting a rabbit with a pistol and blowing it up. Bullets don’t make things explode morons! That would be trinitrotoluene.
You know what, I’m done. Maybe I’ve crossed this threshold of life where teen angst horror comedy doesn’t work for me anymore. Maybe I’m annoyed with unreal teen quirkiness and out-of-date 80’s references made by kids. If annoying white liberals have taught me anything, it’s that cultural appropriation is racist. They’re probably wrong and complete morons… but I do know know “generational appropriation” is definitely wrong! The 80’s obsession needs to stop and people need to come up with their own shit and if The Babysitter: Killer Queen is the most you can do Mr. McG! Then just do yourself a favor and leave the genre of horror to the real talent. This movie sucks and falls into the pit of pathetic sequel! Do yourself a favor and just pass it by.