It: Chapter Two

Ugh, I just had to do this.

Have you ever had a bad feeling about something like a movie or a television show? A deep guttural feeling within you that just bugs you to no end. One that says “This entire thing looks like a pile of crap?” But then you actually see the film, despite all inclination to just not do it; then are completely blown away by how awesome it is? It’s an amazing feeling and one you don’t experience very much these days. It is also a rare moment that you can admit and be happy in knowing your assumptions were wrong. Well I’ve got to be honest, this was absolutely not the case with It: Chapter Two.

Seeing This Movie

The movie came out on the sixth of September which happens to be my wedding anniversary. It was either seeing It: Chapter Two or going to Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights. I am glad I chose Halloween Horror Nights because that was a blast and you can read about that entire thing right here.  Something about It Chapter Two didn’t seem to be all to exciting and my enthusiasm for this movie was not active like it was for the firs. There were about two days of seeing and hearing peoples reactions to this movie. Most of them (from sources I trust and tend to agree with) weren’t giving it the reception that one would call “great.” But like all films I let myself decide the experience and went to see it.

Synopsis

Twenty seven years following the events between the Losers club and It. The monster comes back from his slumber to kill and feast once more on the innocent children of Derry. Our Losers club each come back to their childhood town to end Its bloody reign once and to each confront their own personal demons.

The Problems With It: Chapter Two

Right off the back I can tell you It: Chapter Two is a movie that has too many problems. Big enough problems where I could not find myself feeling engaged or attempt to ignore the issues. Often times I can see a movie with some glaring stains. But then look past or forget them because the rest of the movie works. For instance, I think some of the dialogue in certain Tarantino movies can be odd or corny. Also, some of his scenes can go on for too long. I get the tension building and emotion but it can be a little aggravating. HOWEVER! I’ve never ever been disappointed in a Tarantino film. While I might have certain problems with his movies at certain points, it doesn’t at all ruin the movie. Movies can fall on an imaginary scale of judgement. Do the good deeds outweigh the bad ones? With It: Chapter Two there are too many bad deeds.

Sometimes the scale has some heavy weights but still something seems to work. This is what I call being able to just shut off the brain and enjoy the schlock. But what I hated about this movie was so glaring and ongoing that it ruined it for me. Think about the worst movie ever made Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones. From the very beginning that jack off Anakin Skywalker presents himself as a whiny little bitch and everything looks like fake plastic. But maybe things will turn around? No it won’t! Things get worse and the annoyances and plastic looking environments just continue! You think Anakin crying about Obi-Wan or sand people is bad? How about more than half way in when he’s talking about his hatred for sand! Yea thr actual shit on the beach! The end of the film comes and all you can think about doing is stabbing yourself to death with a rusty fork.

Symbiotic Issues and Spoilers

From what I hear, the main consensus is that the movies running time is far too long. Which is true, this is one long ass film. But the length of the movie is one problem that lives symbiotically with another problem. That would be the issue of shoehorning so much unnecessary junk into one one film. Each adult character returns and must head out on their own pilgrimage to discover lost memories and retrieve an artifact for the ritual to defeat It. Many overcome personal issues and gain closure to their past during this process.

Except for Mike

Bev goes back to her apartment and finds her father passed away. There she remembers a childhood moment with her dad that is dark and soon gets her personal item. But then is attacked by It and she then runs away. Yes this is that teaser scene they gave us from comic con a couple months ago so the entire scene doesn’t come as any surprise.

Hello? How about Mike?

Bill goes and finds his bike which he drives by his house. He approaches the storm drain and flashes back to his childhood where he actually talks to It. It comes back to him and he hears Georgie in the drain to almost get sucked down in there by It. He actually ends up getting his object by doing this.

Where is Mike?

Then we have Richie that goes to an arcade where he gets his object and flashes back to a moment as a kid which reveals Richies secret. Kid Richie is attacked by Pennywise in one of the most computer heavy moments in the film. Then this all kind of happens again as adult Richie. Wait a minute! This is like Beverly and Bill! No way can this happen once more.

So how about Mike? Ok, Maybe After This

Ben returns to his high school where he remembers an encounter with It. He already has his object because he held onto it for all these years. He actually doesn’t encounter It as an adult but it’s still in the same vein as the others. Damnit this movie is already over the hour mark!

Did You Forget About Mike?

We go to Eddie and I’m so tired at this point that I check my fantasy football team on my phone! I keep checking it in the theater because I don’t give a shit. But Eddie goes to the pharmacy where he remembers his childhood where he encounters the leper. Then… you guess! Go ahead guess what happens to Eddie? He encounters the leper in the same place as an adult! It’s like the creators of this movie think out their ass.

You Did!

So they pretty much abandoned Mikes individual story. I get it that he never forgot about Pennywise but we could have seen his struggle and finding of his object. It’s not like Andrés Muschietti all of a sudden grew concerned over the run time of the movie. I just don’t get it, you repeated the same story literally five times in a row! But you for some reason decided to just forget to include Mikes story? I remember in the book Mike admitting to going down in the sewers to commit suicide. That would have at least been something.

Sure! Mike is pissed because he’s followed up on Bill, Bev, Richie, Eddie Ben and Stanley. Everyone is making money and getting laid while Mike is stuck in this racist town living in the library. He’s never even been to Florida to experience Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights! You think he gets chicks up in the library? His life sucks! So he goes to the sewer to let It kill him. But it doesn’t happen because It is sleeping. So on the way back he finds the rock from the rock fight in the first film. Maybe picking the rock up, he remembers Bev throwing it and hitting Henry square in the face. Boom! There it is.

Mike isn’t even an interesting character in this film. They turned him into a neurotic fool that the rest of the Losers look at with disdain. He rambles and never seems cool and calm. In the book Mike is the opposite. He’s the rock that makes them all remember. He’s calm and seems to have his head on his shoulders. Bill may be the leader and strongest (although they jacked that up as well) but Mike is so vital that it was a real shame they left him out.

It’s All Boring

We have all of these morons that we don’t care about. You know how I know we don’t care about them? Well I know this but maybe you don’t. It happens because every scene of just the adult characters alone, is overshadowed by the scene with the kid version. I couldn’t care about the adult versions of these characters. Whenever we’re growing tired of the adults it goes back to the kids. This movie is a mess. Each one of the individual scenes of the characters is an up and down kind of moment that creates miserable pacing throughout the entire film.

It also creates miserable horror. Everything is spotted a mile away and it kills the moment. I’m never surprised because I’m not a child. Literally I was pointing at the screen whenever Pennywise would show up behind someone or at a turn. It was annoying and it’s always accompanied by extremely loud music. My brain stopped computing the terror of every scene because there was no tension.

Also, the horror scenes made very little sense. Eddie goes down to the pharmacy cellar and sees his mom being killed/raped by the leper. I guess he loves his mom but it’s out of her hands. Bens is about Pennywise appearing at Bev and chasing him with… wait… a flaming head? I guess because Bev smokes. Richie goes to the park and the statue of Paul Bunyan attacks him. Wait I thought Richie was afraid of clowns? Why would Paul Bunyan scare him? Bill is attacked by putting his arm in the sewer and small hands appear like a virus to drag him down to the mirky depths.

I don’t get it. None of it makes sense. Especially Bevs scene. Beverly is obviously scared of her gross father. Yet she is attacked by a terrible CGI monster lady. But for some other odd reason she see’s Pennywise as a human in which he’s siping the human makeup on to reveal the clown makeup. Kind of like the Joker from Tim Burtons Batman.

It’s like every horror scene was discussed around a group of people that don’t even like horror. Making decisions because they saw that bumper sticker on the back of a truck coming into work that says “Fuck It.” So they went by that and didn’t think what would make sense. Just throw so much illogical visuals with bad CGI out there.

I don’t understand why a movie has to be so long. Especially a horror film. Most horror films tend to be a good two hour length. The Shining stands at 2:26 and I think The Exorcist is around that same time. I remember 2015’s Bone Tomahawk being a real long movie as well. But you see, these three movies are also three brutally awesome films. Bone Tomahawk might be one of the best modern horror films ever made and it is sad because not many people know about it. IT: Chapter Two just goes on forever and like I said, it’s just the same scene done over and over again.

Should Have Taken A Different Approach

I think I’ve made the fact that the adult Losers were boring and not worth the main theme of the film. Then what should have been the theme? Well, how about the thing that makes people so into this movie? Yea, how about making this movie revolve around Pennywise, the real star of the movie. I think bBill Skarsgård kills it as Pennywise. But how come we couldn’t have had a movie that focused more on It and its connection to Derry?

Remember the ending of the first movie. The kids defeat It and he’s scared beyond comprehension to the point he’s incoherent and groveling in fear. His last words before falling into the deep is “Fear.” I loved that and thought it should have continued into the second film. You see, in the book Stephen King develops the character of It in way that is magical and disturbing. It feels feat and although he has been around since the dinosaurs, he’s never felt fear. Nor has he ever been defeated. The entire process of being afraid and unsure has never even crossed this divine beings mind.

Remember what Yoda said in that stupid movie? Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Sure it’s kind of stupid. Like saying boobs lead to boner, boner leads to sex, sex leads to too many children. But get this. So how about we get a good look at Its fear that the kids brought on him? In fact lets start the entire movie with this!

The Better Intro

The scene opens up in total darkness and nothing but an occasional drop of water in a deep cave. A voice so subtle and faint begins to groan.

“For the first time ever. Never have I feared. For the first time… ever.”

Then a small light flickers and movement like a body dragging across rock is heard. It is in the darkness. Shuttering and awakening by the nightmares of twenty seven years. Maybe a sound of a deep vomit occurs followed by a sound of hunger and uncertainty.

“But I must feed. I must plan. I must live. They will come. They must… die.”

Then something climbs down an embankment and proceeds to the killing field. Stumbling and weak, fearful of being seen. The town of Derry, Its playground. Making its appearance in the barrens by the town festival. This place has called him. A young man, beaten and bruised. A perfect meal. In the water. Given like a treat to a pet. The town never upsets. The people always supply. Ever since the beginning.

“I need this meat. I need the… season!”

Adrian floats closer to Its arms. As his eyes slowly open a smile is the first thing he sees. Distorted and dark. No shape but black beyond black. The smile turns decrepit with rotten teeth and stench. Adrian coming to a realization begins to shutter. Begins to lose control. Cannot scream. Then pain. Stabbing web like pain across his chest and driving deeper and deeper.

“Devour. Consume the fear. Deliver the message.”

End of intro. Then we go into Mike showing up and from there he calls the Losers. Maybe between the boring shit with the adult Losers. We get another feeding like the girl in under the bleachers. But we include the town of Derry. People are aware of the evil, but the town is poisoned. The town is obligated to oblige Its taking. This sets the Losers to do something. But It is not strong enough to finish them off alone. Which then brings back Henry Bowers.

I don’t know, anything could have been better. It was all just the same old stuff. Nothing new and nothing intriguing. I mean some scenes were good like the bleacher girl scene and the fun house scene. I thought those worked. But the entire movie is full of those kinds of scenes. Pennywise baring his teeth was getting old and boring. Which is why the ending was so bad. The giant Pennywise spider didn’t do it for me. For one thing, it looked insanely fake and stupid. I hated how its body structure was that of the Pennywise suit and the head was a giant Pennywise head.

Just make it a giant spider with very little Pennywise features. Maybe the eyes stay and maybe a little white color in the head. But thats it. I felt like we went into a massive campy mode with the end. Instead of going with John Carpenters The Thing, they went with Peter Jacksons Dead Alive. Those movies are both awesome but you don’t mix the two. Let camp stay camp and let realistic stay realistic. Pennywise spider didn’t look believable and completely dissatisfying. Remember Shelob from Lord of The Rings The Return of The King? She was a great spider and her lair is perfect. Pennywise spider didn’t even look like it belonged in that cave.

The Corniest End

But one of the worst things happens in the last fifteen minutes and that would be defeating It and killing him. The way you kill him is by diminishing him or making him feel small. So the group all man up and start yelling insults at Pennywise. Which then starts to make him shrink. My gosh how I wish this is all a lie! Pennywise shrinks down to a lowly state where he’s basically a little pudding monster. They rip out his heart and then crush it. Thus killing the clown forever.

Wait what!? That is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. You mean to tell me that this entire thing comes down to just being mean to It? I get not being afraid and having some higher force of will. But the end becomes this blatant anti bullying kind of scene and it’s terrible. I think during this sequence, Bev actually yells “you’re a bully!”

I get social commentary in movies. It makes sense and when done right can be a good message. I may not agree politically with everything a director puts into a movie but if it’s subtle and intelligent, I can say “fine.” But when social commentary comes out corny or obviously lacking creativity in its delivery. Then that ruins everything for me. This scene looks like it was made by a group of drugged up first grade teachers that need to stop eating the glue.

The entire scene is just a bad attempt to say “bullies are weak and you have the power” like an 80’s He-man or GI Joe PSA. I found myself cringing and actually feeling bad for the script at this point. It wasn’t brutal or high energy. It was corny as fuck! What a waste of a movie. I’m sick and tired of these moments in modern films.

Almost Done

So all in all I didn’t like the movie and wouldn’t recommend anyone sit through it. Even two days after seeing the movie, I can’t think of anything that I liked. Nothing to share with my coworkers. Nothing to make me want to see it again. Watching Pennywise eat a girls head is fine but we’ve seen it before. In fact Pennywise is kind of boring in general. He needs to take a lesson from Freddy Krueger. Now there’s a guy with some creative skills and can actually make a kill. Krueger sequences were also so creative and personal. They actually make sense! Maybe eventually getting a little more comical but regardless you can’t say he’s not awesome. Pennywise is boring and like clockwork.

If anything that I can take away it would be this. Maybe this clown fad in horror films can settle down a little. Pennywise is great look but hopefully people will just stop with anything clown related. Unless it means Killer Klowns from Outer Space. That is just fine. Let this movie be the last and stop the entire “CLOWNS ARE SCARY!” kind of scenario.

My Grade
It: Chapter Two – D

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