If there is one thing I love most about horror movies it is the way they teach a person some very vital information. I’m not talking about the social commentary garbage. I’m talking about the real important questions. The top of the line thoughts that make a huge difference in how we live. I mean think about it, we should all be informed on how to survive a zombie apacoplypse. Or how to kill vampires and how to identify killer pod people hellbent on human destruction. Do you know how to close a portal to hell? I don’t think so. So watch up on your horror films people. Forget the survivor guy shows or taking that class on CPR. We all have to get real and ask the important questions!
Just a side note. Do you ever wonder if maybe, quite possibly there are so many zombie films out there because there’s a chance that a zombie outbreak could happen? I’m not saying this is fact. I’m no conspiracy kind of guy but there has to be an explanation to all these zombie movies. Maybe the government funds these kinds of movies in an attempt to subtly inform the public. George Romero had no vision, he was just paid by the government to make these PSA style films. This way, when the zombies come and society goes to hell; we can all watch and learn what to do and what not to do! It makes sense!
But just to help you all out, here is a free lesson on probably the most important question ever asked. Through history this age old question was pondered by the greats like Socrates, Plato and Einstein. It stood out as a higher question than “are we alone” or “what is the pupose of life!” This question that I speak of is none other than “Does Wolfman have nards?” Fortunately for us all, we have that answer!
I figured since it’s the thirty second birthday of 1987’s The Monster Squad. It would be good to honor this film and that would be by highlighting the best scene in the entire movie. Besides that, it is one my most favorite films and it is the horror movie that got me into the genre as a young kid.
The Monster Squad was a miserable failure in theaters. But through the years has gained a cult following. As a child from the 80’s this movie has stuck out to me because it has a great mixture of the goofy adolescent humor and some real good horror elements. I love all the monster design in this film. The wolf man is one of the best depictions of a werewolf. I actually prefer this to American Werewolf in London or The Howling. Mainly because he’s inline with 1941’s The Wolf mans style. But this one is way more intense.
Although The Monster Squad is full of so many good scenes, this is the one that has made its mark in culture. I know morons that have never seen the movie yet know this line. What makes the entire “wolf mans got nards” line so great is it’s a come full circle kind of statement. Earlier in the film Sean and Patrick are debating about the wolf man and his ability to drive. Patrick brings up the fact that since wolf man wears pants he can probably do things like drive a car and such. Sean says he has to wear pants because they didn’t want people to see his “wolf dork.” Which is blasted hilarious because we never thought about that before. We never even assume the wolf man had a set of balls. So we’re at this scene and fat kid kicks him there to answer the greatest question of all time!
So if ever you find yourself walking alone a full moon night and a werewolf jumps out to feed on your corpse. Just remember this bit of information that The Monster Squad Gabe is. Kick him in the nards because wolfmans got em!