I’ve seen some crazy horror films in my time. Weather it be chainsaw wielding cannibals, back-wood demons that are called upon by a witch, flesh eating zombies, soul raping demon trees, possessed children with spinning heads, alien monsters or ass kicking ninja priests; very little seems to take me by surprise anymore. That is… until I saw the trailer for the upcoming musical Cats.
This is by far the scariest thing that I’ve ever seen and I feel like this would be a good opportunity to share a personal fear of mine. So here it is. Theater people scare the hell out of me. I know there are many people out there that do theater and find that statement offensive. Well, I’m sorry but you’re freaky people. Something about the actors on the stage with their expressions and movements. You’re like little psychotic Ted Bundy’s on a stage. Then singing songs and all. It’s all just bizarrely terrifying in my opinion. I just think musicals are kind of… terrible.
I’ve gone to musicals before and I go in kicking and screaming and leave kicking and running. But the actors on stage freak me out. So seeing a bunch of theater people dressed like cats and dancing on screen! That shoots hot piss down my leg! Who the hell thought this was a good idea? Hollywood is so full of shit. They do this all the time. There’s some movie version of some big musical and the Hollywood elites go into one giant massive circle jerk. You know this movie will get Oscar awards while the rest of the normal population will hate it.
I remember being pretty young in the early 90’s and always seeing that commercial about this play. Even then, it freaked me out. Can someone tell me what the hell this is even about!? It looks like some alien race of bipedal cat people leaving the planet but mixed up in one harry homeless orgy. This was supposedly one of the longest running Broadway plays… well Hitler was popular too.
I think it’s fair to say that I will not see this movie. It looks like everyone is digitally altered to have the cat hair on them and that’s another thing that freaks me out. Imagine walking in on this production set and seeing a bunch of people and a fat James Corden wearing gross spandex and singing songs. Now that’s a real horror movie!