Did You Just See That?

Every once in a while we stumble upon or rediscover something that is exemplary to the word “stupid.” Something so bad that in its moronic depths of absurdity; we find joy and gut wrenching comedy. I submit this gem to you all today, that you may partake and like myself; you may find comfort in a terrible horror film.

What is this treasure in which I am writing about? None other than Wes Cravens 2004 movie Cursed. Starring Christina Ricci, Jessie Eisenburg, Judy Greer and Charlie from the Mighty Ducks. That’s right! If you haven’t seen this movie then you’re not missing much but at the same time you’re missing something so amazing. It’s a pretty basic werewolf story-line with plots and twists you can see coming a mile away. The acting is bad, the gore is lame and it has terrible CGI.

Actually, this movie makes me think of 2002’s Scooby Doo. I don’t know what it is, but it shares that same rubbery “you know its fake” kind of effects. Early 2000 CGI will forever be a disgusting time in effects history. Even the characters have that over-the-top style just like Scooby Doo. Let’s be honest, Wes Craven’s depictions of teenagers is outdated. Whenever he writes teenage characters or just characters in general; they’re all the same 90’s formulaic bull shit. It was Scream that did it. Something happened to him after ninety six where Craven had to make every character so absurd and poorly written. Like a plastic mold to the 1990’s American teenager. That is what Cursed is. A 2004 film that reeks of 90’s style. Maybe Craven deemed himself the John Hughes of 90’s teens or something. Mix in terrible hard rock soundtrack and you’ve pushed yourself on the same shit-level as the Resident Evil films. I really want to meet this person that keeps pushing hard rock in action films. They must be destroyed.

But Wait!

However, there is one redeemable moment in this movie that made me candidly laugh out loud. It is so funny that it has earned it’s place in Scenes To Be Seen. Enjoy.

Werewolf Attitude!

Yes, you just witnessed glory! The werewolf gave the middle finger! Then when the cops shoot at it yells “SHIT!” If you don’t think that’s hilarious then I can’t do anything for you. It has to be one of the most comical moments in all werewolf and horror history. I place this on the “I kick ass for the Lord!” neighborhood.

Who can’t look at that image of a terrifying werewolf giving the bird and not completely lose it! It’s so hilarious seeing that werewolf give the middle finger that every time I see it; I bust out laughing. There has to be some figurine made of this in some nerd store somewhere!

Break It Down

Now, I’m just speculating about this movie but I think I know why this is in the film. Cursed was a terrible flop in theaters and the production of the film was a foretelling of it’s inevitable doom. From what I’ve read about the movie, it took forever to finish and went through multiple re-writes and modifications. All to the point where even Wes Craven hated working on it. He himself admitted to this movie being so bad that the final cut didn’t even resemble the original script. Now, I imagine this movie was such a problem to him and the actors that they honestly didn’t even care. It was probably near the end and they put it in there to give a giant middle finger to the entire project. Either way it makes the movie one to remember.

I know there are tons of horror comedies and I love them dearly. Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, Dead Alive, Killer Klowns… the list goes on and on. But Cursed wasn’t meant to be a comedy. It’s the typical Scream style slasher horror that Wes Craven gave birth to. Most of the film is moronic in that it’s trying to be tough and cool. But this one scene is so awesome that it makes me wonder if the entire film followed the same comical tone; maybe Cursed would have been a better film. One destined for cult status in the depths of true horror fans hearts. Yea the movie is bad, but it could have been so bad its good. Either way, I’m delighted by this scene and will always classify it as one of the most comical moments in horror movie history. Thanks Wes Craven!

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